Secret of Life

I spent the first 22 years of my life in Pennsylvania. I was raised on the same farm and in the same house for just over 17 years of that time. When I got married, I moved to Arizona. My husband had grown up, moving around several times. He frequently has sand in his shoes, so to speak. He doesn't necessarily grow deep roots that can't be transplanted. Moving was hard, and it took me a couple of years to find where I fit. One blessing was that my husband's parents, and one of his sisters was living in the same area at the time. Friendships took time, but once made, they were like glue. Most of the friends I had were in the same place of life as me. Young mothers in the trenches, with babies and toddlers running around -- organized chaos. There were times I longed for green--green grass, green trees, being closer to stores and things. There was a time we traveled over an hour to church one way every week. The closest big mall and club store, like Costco, was over an hour and half away. I missed being so far from my family. At the time, our kids were my parents only grandkids. Now my youngest sister has children, but she lives overseas, so I guess I am still the closest.

Two years ago, when we moved to Arkansas, I was excited to cut the distance to my family in half. I was looking forward to living in an agricultural setting, yet only being 20 minutes from all the things. I was thrilled that my kids would have more opportunities to join in and experience the arts. I was thankful that we would have dad around more and that the kids and I would be working with him on the farm. A real family run business.

I lived for 14 years in the desert, and then moved to "green", in all the ways, and yet have only realized that now I am in the "desert". The last two years have been hard. At first when we moved, I don't think I allowed myself to really grieve the leaving. You don't realize what deep wells of friendship you have until you are uprooted. I wanted to be strong for my kids, we were overwhelmed with learning a new business, and just trying to adjust to daylights savings. Its been two years and I still can't handle "springing forward"! We live in a community that everyone wants to move to and no one moves away from. Trying to break into friend groups that have known each other since grade school is no joke. I also think, the older I get, the more introverted I have become and I just don't want to put myself out there.

But God has been so faithful. I have felt His closeness more, especially in the last few months, than I have in a while. He comes for my heart in the smallest and biggest of ways. He is gentle and kind and has awakened my heart in new ways, eager to have Him walk with me, to invite Him in. That's what He is after....for us to invite Him in. To ask Him what He thinks, to just sit in quietness and be in His Presence. Being still had become hard for me. I was afraid to sit and be still because then all the sadness, frustration, and loneliness would creep up and feel overwhelming. But He isn't afraid of those feelings. He wants us to let those out. Speak it out loud and release it. I've been trying to do more of that.

Ann Voskamp wrote in a blog post a while ago about how we can't love Jesus for what He can do for us, but because He is beautiful. He is marvelous. And we need to examine our motives and heart behind how we relate to Him. Even if we don't get what we think we want or need, He is still good.

I have been learning the hard way about the secret of life, which Paul talks about in the New Testament. Contentment. It can be fleeting, it can feel impossible, it can be a catch word. But I think God meant for it to anchor us to Him. To keep ourselves tied close to Him. Our circumstances may change, but if our contentment is anchored in Him, we don't need to worry.

Just some random thoughts on a Thursday.
Blessings....

A Friendly Reminder

It has been a while since I have posted. Life has just been carrying on. But I felt led to share something with my small corner of the world wide web. The last two weeks I have been struggling with pretty painful back pain. Some days I had to crawl around. Others I thought I was getting better. It can be a pretty defeating feeling at times. You start to believe that you are never going to get better. But God gave me this little, I don't know what you would call it, maybe manifesto? Anyway, maybe it will bless you…

I believe God is good.
Even when my back hurts and there is no relief in sight.
I believe God loves me.
That I am His precious daughter.
I believe that He is with me, even when I feel alone.
I believe my tears are precious to Him and that He saves them.
I believe I am the apple of His eye. I believe that He has the power to heal.
I believe that He could heal me right now, but even if He doesn't, I believe He is good.
He is healer.
He is faithful.
I WILL CHOOSE JOY.
I will choose thankfulness.
I choose trusting Him.
He is kind.
He is generous.
He is patient.
He is loving.
He is faithful.
He is gentle.
He is long-suffering.
He is FOR me.
Even when my feelings and my body say differently, I know in my heart, these are TRUE.

Some of my most sacred moments have been when I was in the worst pain. And as I slowly start to get better, I don't want to forget that. And sometimes you have to say these truths out loud to really believe them in your heart.

Bitter or Better

So it's 1 in the morning. Since becoming a mother, most of my nights end around 10, maybe 10:30 if I am feeling a little dangerous. But I've been awake since midnight and the Lord and I have been talking. And I had the feeling He wanted me to write, so here I am. Perhaps these late night thoughts will speak to someone….

This past week has been tough. Having five children down with the flu is not for the faint hearted. And don't let me fool you that I am tough. I have been beyond weak during this ordeal, and it ain't over yet. But tonight after dinner, I was lying on the couch, disappointment and frustration eating away at me. Silently in my head, I started naming all the injustices and inconveniences that I felt I was given this week. I will spare you that one, but a small voice whispered to me, "But what are you thankful for?"

And I felt quite convicted. Because I am a gift lister. I have a little notebook that I write down things that I notice during my days that I am thankful for. Do you think I touched it this week? Noooooo. "But Lord, if only I could cough this junk up and out and breathe deeply, I'd be able to be more thankful."

"In all things, give thanks."

"Oh, right. I am sorry. I will try."

"Right now?"

"I am thankful that even though we are under the weather now, it won't last forever. I am thankful for eyes that can still see beautiful sunsets. For a husband who even though he is sick, is still out working and providing for us. For friends who call or text to see how we are doing. For children who are playing and trying to get along even though they don't feel well. For little girls that want to cuddle and a little boy who will walk through a room and tell me he loves me."

"Feeling better?"

"Yes, Lord. Please forgive me. I forgot."

I forgot that when we close our hand to God, we think we are protecting ourselves and what is "ours", but we are only closing ourselves off from receiving His gifts. Sometimes they don't feel like gifts, sometimes we feel like we are on the punching block, but there is always something to be thankful for. Look for it. It's there. You might not see it that day, but a week from now, a month, it could take years. There are things I have experienced in life that have taken years for me to see the gift.

I want to live life openhanded. Not just so I can receive and receive from the Lord, and believe me, I do want to receive good things from the Lord. But I also want to give back to the Lord. Give back myself, and allow Him to mold me and change me, to draw me closer to Himself. To take my eyes off myself and what I feel I am owed or deserved.

We have an amazing example in Christ. On the night he was betrayed, he broke bread and gave thanks. The night before he was to go through the most agonizing pain ever experienced to man, He gave thanks. And there are many other times throughout Scripture where it is mentioned Jesus gave thanks. That isn't in there just to sound amazing. It's there to teach us an important truth. Even in the midst of intense battle and heartache, we are to give thanks. God is there.

I just want to encourage you today, friend, that God is there. Always there. But we must live open handed. Giving and receiving, and always, in everything, giving thanks.





"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." I Thessalonians 5:18

Compassion Haiti 2014 Day 3

Here we are! The day we had been waiting for. We were going to meet Andy! I felt excited and nervous all at once! What if he didn't like us? What if he was disappointed? What if we didn't have a connection?

Yvonne called our name and we got up to go meet Andy. He came with his older sister, and a staff member from his project. Andy had to travel 3 1/2 hours to Port au Prince, and then spent the night there and then made the 1 1/2 hour trip to us. This was his first time spending the night away from home.

When we saw him he went to hug me and I could have started crying right there. He was smiling and was so happy to be there. We were off to a good start!

 He loved swimming in the pool. There are a lot of children in Haiti who haven't ever seen the ocean or have gone swimming in a pool before. We spent most of the morning at the pool. Nate even borrowed some shorts and got into the water. For those of you who know my husband, the water isn't his most favorite thing. He doesn't know how to swim. But this precious little boy was worth it.

This was our translator, Frankie.

 During lunch, I asked Andy what his favorite toy was to play with. He told us that he doesn't have any toys. That took us so off guard. I should have realized that because the two homes that we visited had no toys in them. But still…no toys? The thought seemed so foreign, especially coming from America where we have an overabundance of toys and entertainment in general.

So Nate then asked Andy what toys he would like to have. Andy replied that he would like cars, trucks, and machines. I had gone shopping for him about a month earlier. I wish I could say I had prayed about what to get him, but honestly, I had just gone down the aisles and picked out what I thought an 8 year old boy would like to play with.

Nate went upstairs and came down with Andy's bag. I found him a CARS book bag at Target. It was the only one left. He unzipped it slowly and started pulling things out.

Love their faces!

He pulled out a Jesus Storybook, written in Creole. He had a tablet and new crayons. He pulled out an Arizona Cardinals T-shirt. And then he pulled out 5 matchbox cars and a lego set that made three different kinds of heavy machinery. I felt so humbled at the kindness of Jesus, that he would allow us to be the catalyst to answer this dear boy's wish. That was an amazing moment.

All smiles!

 Our time was coming to a close, so we asked Andy to draw us a picture of his home. After he drew a picture of his home, we took turns drawing a picture of ours.

Here is a picture of our whole team with our sponsored children

Just before saying goodbye

We then prayed for Andy and his family and then it was time to take a big group photo and then say goodbye. The day was already over! Saying goodbye to that little boy was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was so hard to let him go. We knew what he was going home to. The unfairness of it all seemed to hit us. Why him? Why does he go home to no clean water, electricity, no bathroom? Where supplying the basics takes up most of the day? And then, why us? Why do we get to live in a nice home, with clean water at five different spigots, a dishwasher, refrigerator, and three bathrooms?

And as we watched him get in the van and drive away…it hit me. God designed it this way on purpose. He not only blesses us with what we have, but He also allows us, desires us, to be His Hands and Feet. To take what we have and share it with those around us. Its our responsibility.

Yes, we could take Andy home with us and his physical surroundings would be improved, but that still doesn't help the problem. But Compassion does. Compassion equips these children with the tools they need to rise up above their circumstances and to make a difference in their country. They have a pride in their country and a strong desire to see Haiti become a better place. By sponsoring a child in Haiti, you are helping equip the next generation of leaders in that country. And not just leaders, but Believers. That is amazing.

Living Epistles

When I was in middle school and high school, I dreamed of writing the next great American novel. It would become one of the most beloved novels of all time. It would touch and change lives. I would think out plots in my head, dream up characters, and have conversations between said characters in my head. I had favorite heroine names....Ariel, Emma, and Alaina. I took my drafts into my middle school Language Arts teacher, for him to edit, correct and critique. Looking back now, I can see how foolish I was. I believe truly great writers don't set out to write the next blockbuster, but rather they have to write because they will go crazy if they don't. It doesn't matter if anyone else reads it or not.

When I got married, I took an online writing class, but once I found myself pregnant, my heart lost interest. After having Charlotte, I felt the itch to write again. But everything I would write felt generic, like I'd read it before. I wanted something original.

I was thinking the other day, about the end of Anne of Ingleside, after Anne has met up again with Christine Stuart, the girl who tried to win Gilbert's heart in Anne of the Island. Anne is feeling frumpy and not very interesting next to Christine who has traveled the world. Christine makes a snarky comment about all the children they have and how when Anne was in high school she had such high goals of being a writer and is now only a mother. Anne retorts that now she is writing "living epistles".

Sigh. I love that. I am writing "living epistles". I may not write the next blockbuster novel that turns the world upside down and restores world peace, but I am helping to write the lives of my five children. There are so many days when the never ending laundry, dust, stickiness on the floors, and sibling fights and ungratefulness grate on my ears and heart and I wonder if this is all there is. Does anyone notice what I do? Do I make a difference? The answer is always yes. I want my children to look back fondly on their childhood. To not feel as though they couldn't play and imagine their hearts out. To feel safe and loved. To know Jesus love through my prayers, touch, and care. It is a constant battle to see the bigger picture. It's always so easy to become consumed with the small, the frustration, the weariness of motherhood. I don't wake up most mornings feeling like I am embarking on some great adventure and I am so excited to teach and train my kids. Most mornings I just want to be left alone so I can finish my cup of coffee. That's all I ask. Please. Lukewarm coffee is just not the same. But it's my life. And reheated in the microwave just isn't the same.

But the grace and mercy of Jesus. Right there for the taking, if I just stop and ask. To stop and thank Him for the gifts. The countless gifts of each and everyday. Even the messy, ugly and inconvenient gifts. There is always a blessing, an invitation to come closer. From Him who gave all, to us, to me, who just whines to drink a hot cup of coffee in the morning.

So I just want to encourage those writing "living epistles". It truly is a marathon. Pace yourself. Rest in His perfect love and strength. Trust.....

anxiety

The other day I was convinced that I had the flesh eating bacteria. I had a small cut on my foot and had gone outside to grab something out of the freezer. I came back in and noticed it really hurt. I put some neosporin on it and went and laid down because I was tired from my allergies kicking it into high gear. I remember falling asleep and thinking that if it still was bothering me when I got up I'd have to call the doctor, and also hoping I wouldn't lose my foot.

Now, I have actually known of three people who have suffered with this, and I am not sharing to make light of it, but to actually share that I have anxiety issues.

I have struggled with anxiety the last couple of years. During pregnancy is when it is worst. During my pregnancy with Anne I thought my husband was cheating on me. I didn't share this with him until a year afterward. But we were working on our house and in the evenings he would leave after supper and go work on the house. I was home alone with the kids and after I got them in bed, my mind would wander. And I had this whole story made up. I would have myself so worked up until he got home.  Then after I had Anne, the worst was to come. As you know, if you've read Anne's birth story (here) you will remember I had some minor trouble with bleeding afterward. That evening after my midwives had left and my husband was passed out beside me, I had this dark, heavy feeling come over me. I was convinced that if I got up to use the restroom, I would bleed to death. I could hear the voices in my head telling me I wasn't going to live to raise my children. It was the hardest, loneliest, darkest weekend of my life so far. Just that heavy, anxious feeling.

A couple of days later, after my mom had arrived to give me a hand, I was working in the kitchen and the thought came to me, "Some days I just feel so attacked.." Wait a minute. I think I am on to something. Of course, I am being attacked. That moment I spoke out loud and said "No." No, I am not going to continue listening to these voices in my head. I am not going to give them access to my heart...to my mind. I started praying and quoting Scripture.

I wanted to share this because I know I am not the only one. Anxiety runs in my family. And I am thankful that I know it, and I am starting to see the warning signs, the triggers. I can give it over to the Lord. Now, there are times when anxiety has to be treated with medication. Maybe not forever, but at least temporarily. Maybe for years.

But I have found power and comfort in speaking aloud. If we keep it inside, we can become a slave to our thoughts, to our anxieties. God has promised us freedom. And there is freedom in speaking out loud the promises of God. Of telling the thoughts they have to go. Of verbally taking our thoughts captive.
I still don't have it all together, per the story up above, but I have a hope. And that is what I cling to.

baptism

On a beautiful Sunday morning, our firstborn was washed in the water. She had already been washed in the blood, but had decided she was ready to be baptized. As with anything new, there is a fear. And our girl was afraid of going under.

I wasn't sure what to say or how to help her overcome this fear. Sometimes we must just do what scares us most. Trusting that Jesus will meet us. I prayed with her, and she still was feeling nervous, and honestly, inside I was thinking "Really? Today is the day...it's already been announced....how can you change your mind right before?" But instead of voicing those thoughts, God gave me words....and I am so thankful He did because the last thing I wanted to do was push or make her feel pressured. This had to be her choice.
I quietly told her that by being baptized you are making a public confession of faith, and that this was the perfect opportunity to put into practice trusting in Jesus. That she should imagine Pastor Jake as Jesus holding her up in the water. I love watching our children overcome their fears. And she has overcome so much in the last few weeks. She had her first big performance in dance in a school music production and then this. And she did it. She overcame those fears. It's such a privilege and joy to watch the determination and faith of our children.
She came out of the water shaking, in relief and also the exhilaration of having met a fear, facing it, and defeating it. Being at the place of stepping out in faith can be one of the most fearful, yet exciting places to be...because you are asking, needing, expecting Jesus to show up......and He does.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdPGDBZdXuk

abide

So many blogs I read have a word for the new year.  Yesterday in church, I felt the Lord whisper in my spirit that my word for this year is abide. Learning to abide in Christ. To be constantly walking in his  presence...which I always am, but to actually be aware of his presence. I can too quickly be overwhelmed with chores, my never-ending "to do" list, children, my own selfishness, and just plain tiredness. So I am excited for what the Lord is going to teach me this year.
I had an "abide" experience just a few days ago. I was washing dishes and there was music playing in the background. I was listening to Phil Wickham's Singalong 2. I usually don't like live albums, but there is something about live praise and worship albums that make you feel as though you are there. And suddenly I could feel Him. The kids were all outside, playing, and I was standing in the kitchen, alone in my thoughts...I can't even remember what I was thinking about, but all the sudden the words broke through my muddled thoughts and HE was there. And the crazy thing is that He is always there, but I am not always aware....I am so thankful and humbled that He comes in the mundane..in the everyday...even in the washing of dishes. That's how much He desires our company, our friendship, our love. And as I stood at the sink washing dishes, I thought how He was washing my heart clean, refreshing my spirit, bringing healing, grace, and love. How He brings wholeness to a broken life and brings beauty from ashes....yet He comes without any fanfare while I am washing dishes...Who is this great God that He sent his Son from perfection to this worn out , weary world, selfish and self-absorbed with its own desires? And He not only sent him from perfection, but had the audacity to send him in the form of a helpless baby, born in a barn...smelling of hay and animals and all things smelly and dirty....just for me...and for you. Amazing love, amazing grace. And so in this new year of 2013, I want to learn how to be in his presence, to abide in Him. Not just when life is going great and I am feeling blessed, because the truth is, we are always being blessed, but are we aware of it? But also in the everyday, the routine, the what we consider "boring" or "non-inspired." May we all learn to ABIDE in the grace and love that our God lavishes upon us....Happy New Year!

contentment

Oh, this has been a week!!! I don't even know where to begin. Life has just been feeling crazy for the last several weeks. And I notice when I start to feel overwhelmed, I begin to play the "if only" game. Like, "If only we were moved into our new house, I wouldn't have to walk out and turn the switch for the water to come back on..." "If only we were moved into our house, I would be more organized and the house would be cleaner, because obviously it's much easier to keep a "new" house cleaner then a not so new one.."..."If only the hay buyer would pay us from two months back, I would be able to get caught up on bills, and not be biting my fingers down to nothing!!!" You get the gist.....discontentment wells up big time in my heart and I take it out on my kids, my man, and my fingers!!! But God is showing me that until I learn to be content in my circumstances now, I won't ever be content in my circumstances later, when the trial has passed. Look for the gifts in the midst of the storm. God is continually blessing, always blessing, even when I am NOT blessing or deserve the blessing.
I could tell my frustration has reached the boiling point because I am getting mad at my children over things they can't control. And then I explode and then have to apologize later because I have been preaching to my kids they don't need to yell to express themselves, and then here is mom doing the exact thing she told them not to do. You may be surprised to know this sad little truth about me....but I am a YELLER! And I hate that about myself. It's something I am really trying to get a handle on, but it just bubbles out, more like a tidal wave, and I find myself raising my voice. Parenting is one of the most humbling jobs EVER!!! I think my job is to mold and shape my childrens' character and more often then not, they are molding and shaping mine. Bringing to the surface all kinds of junk I don't want to deal with. I am just preaching to myself.
Since this is November, I thought I would name some of things I am thankful for....the little gifts throughout the day I have been finding. I am still keeping my list. I just haven't been blogging about it. I reached 1000 a couple of months ago. It felt like a big milestone! :) So, just to remind myself to breathe and  slow down.....

fireplace on
pjs in the afternoon
flannel sheets
heater
boy going potty!!!!
butterflies breaking out of cocoons
last field of hay for the season
corn harvest over
activities slowing down
inching closer to moving day (Praise Him!)
encouraging talk with sister
making Christmas plans
carpet being installed
washer and dryer delivered (no more duct tape)
kids all bathed
afternoon quiet
quick forgiveness from  my middle child
hard lessons on patience & self control (grin)
being humbled
baby girl sitting up ( all ready!!!!)
learning contentment (please let it be a short lesson!)
school on the blanket
Thankgiving tree

I cannot believe Thanksgiving is.next.week. Where is the year going? My baby girl will be SIX months old in two days!!! Trying to remember to be thankful and content.......

Somebody felt like showing off...

Just wanted to share these pictures I caught from the other morning......

cotton candy morning

it's so rare to see a sunrise with clouds hanging around

here comes the sun!

just awesome!

These last few weeks have been crazy with just keeping up with life! Anne hasn't been sleeping so well lately either, so it makes the days feel extra long. I wish those new teeth would come through already! But the other morning I was able to get up before the sun and saw this beautiful sight. There is something so peaceful about being able to sit on your porch, coffee in hand, watching the sun come up over the mountain. God gives us this glorious wake up call every morning.....just wish I was in the frame of mind to enjoy it more often!!! He NEVER disappoints......

A Friday Flash....

"And the heavens shall declare the GLORY of the Lord...."

grace

Grace. What a powerful word. I love having grace extended toward me. To be the recipient of grace. Now to be the giver of grace....not so much. That doesn't always feel good. I don't always feel like it...my heart isn't in it, so why should I fake it?
This morning my darling girls decided it would be fun to wake up at 3 am. My girls. Not my boy, who at 18 months, I would have freely forgiven. Perhaps he was feeling pain from teething, maybe a bad dream, or maybe even a diaper that needed changing. No, my girls just thought it would be fun to have a party at 3 am.
Unfortunately, their father and I didn't get the memo about the party and we weren't very happy about it. I went over twice and could still hear them whispering and talking. They finally quieted down and then about half an hour later all three emerge to use the bathroom. Together. Yes, they start young. What is that about? To say my husband was irritated would be an understatement. He went over to the bathroom, opened the door, and gave the girls quite a fright! They were just getting ready to go back to their room, so opening the door and finding their irate father, wasn't something they were expecting. They go back to their room and proceed to keep talking!!!!! Nate had just laid back down and he jumped up and went over and let them have the "what for". He came back to bed and I just said that perhaps this is just preparing me for a nursing baby. Needless to say, it was almost 4:30 before the house was quiet and we fell back to sleep.
Waking up this morning, I just felt mad. I felt mad reading my daily Bible reading. I felt irritated as I read my blogs on google reader. I felt upset as I drank my morning coffee. I felt a headache coming on as the kids emerged from their rooms. And the crazy thing is, they came out already dressed, beds made, and pleasant. But this mama wasn't feeling very pleasant. I wasn't feeling very graceful. I just wanted to be angry for a while. I felt justified in my anger. I wanted to sit in it for a while. Why? I mean, seriously, who wants to stay there?
To make myself feel better I called my mom and told her what happened, wanting her pity, and then I confessed that I just wanted to stay mad about it. She laughed. It is really kind of funny when you think about it. I wanted to wallow in my self pity and self righteous attitude, because I felt I deserved to be angry.
All I can say, is THANK YOU JESUS He doesn't do that to me. I can be so selfish and immature, even in my thirties. Sometimes I feel it can get harder....this dying to yourself.  The only example our children have of God's grace is the grace extended to them from the adults in their lives. That is what they will associate God's grace with. What a responsibility. What a choice we have to make. Every day. Sometimes every moment. And I fail. A lot. But I am so thankful for Grace. And so, God has been laying on my heart the double standard I hold in mine. I want God's grace for when I screw up, but when my children make mistakes, whether childish innocence or intentional, I want them to know how it offended me for the rest of the day. I want to hang it over their heads.
Our transgressions are as far as the east is from the west. They are in the bottom of the ocean.  Please remove the plank from my eye...help me to be Your hands and feet. To show Your grace. Grace that makes us white as snow. 

Spring is coming.....

Winter time out here can kind of be a drag. We don't get snow to cover the ground, so all we see for the majority of winter is brown, brown, brown. And it gets windy about February and can sometimes last till Spring. But I know spring is coming. It's already been decided. Reading verses in the Bible about the desert mean more to me now because I actually live in the desert....in a dry and thirsty land. But, come about January, you see tiny changes, fields greening up, which means spring is coming.

 I love that verse about the darkest hour is just before the dawn. I think about that sometimes when I am watching the sun come up. It's the darkest just before the light starts piercing the darkness. Just before the miracle. Just before God acts.

 Here are our patches of green in the desert. It's amazing that even in the desert in winter time, there is life. The fields are starting to green up. There is hope!

Just thought I would send some encouragement to whoever might need it. Spring is coming. If you feel you are in your darkest hour, and all hope is gone, the Son is just about to rise!

More gifts....

I have been writing down my gifts for over a month now. I have been noticing an ebb and flow to my gift listing. When I am feeling rushed, stressed and overwhelmed, my list doesn't grow as quickly. But when I am feeling caught up, and rested, my list expands quickly. When I am feeling most stressed is when I should be looking for my gifts, slowing down to find them. I need to remember that. sigh. So much growing left to do.....here are the next few on my list!

129. a good night's sleep after being up the night before sick
130. children playing nicely
131. brave boy getting shots
132. playing uno with the girls
133. hearing how helpful the girls were for Grandma
134. new cookbooks
135. decluttering
136. quiet evening of reading
137. His promise to never leave us
138. a fun game of Dutch Blitz
139. listening to favorite hymns
140. hitting all the lights green on the way to church
141. corporate prayer
142. agreeing in prayer with Nate
143. forgiveness
144. Jesus paid it all
145. our little family
146.  hope
147. cloudy mornings
148. trees loaded down with fruit
149. lunch with friends
150. popcorn on the stove
151. birds calling to each other early in the gray morning
152. smell of a campfire
153. sticky fingers
154. excited girls
155. telling stories around the fire
156. watching the flickering lights dance across the faces of my loved ones
157. hearing the sound of him coming home
158. first stars
159. half moon
160. rain through the night

Keep looking for the gifts....sometimes I would love to know how many I  miss. Open my eyes further Lord...let me see all Your goodness!


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What Can I Do?

I finished reading "The Hole in Our Gospel" by Richard Stearns about a week and a half ago. If you haven't read it yet, I would strongly encourage you to grab it and read it. He is the president of World Vision. If you have been reading my blog for a little while, you may have noticed that I put some new buttons along my sidebar. I have been feeling convicted about doing more for the orphans in this world. And one small way I can do something is by sponsoring a child. It is really amazing how for so little you can help feed, educate, and clothe a child. And they are going to church and learning about a Savior who loves them wildly. We sponsor two children through Compassion International. For $39 a month, you can help do all the above for a child. In return, you get letters from these amazing children. And it brings tears to my eyes when I read they are praying for me. Praying for me. These children who have to walk every day to bring water to their families, who may eat the same thing every day, who live with the threat of disease, who may sleep on the floor. They pray for me. But no matter how wealthy we are here in America, and we are wealthy here (according to Stearns book, if you make over $25,000 a year, you are wealthier then over 95% of the world, and if you make over $50,000 you are wealthier than 99% of the world), we all still need the same Savior. We all still have the same need. We all still need forgiveness, grace, mercy. I can't tell you the joy and excitement I feel when I see we have received another letter in the mail.
We also sponsor a young lady through Amazima. If you have time, you really need to click on that button and head over to the website. Click on Katie's story, and you will read how this amazing ministry got started by a young 18 or 19 year old girl. This ministry is based out of Uganda, Africa. This country holds a special place in my heart because my sister went there with Compassion International and our church has hosted the Watoto Children's Choir from Uganda as well. Katie has a book coming out the beginning of October telling her story, and I can't wait to read it.
We would like to sponsor one more child, and I believe we will probably do it through World Vision. We would like to have a sponsored child for each of our own biological children. But we look at our sponsored children as part of our own family. We pray for them everyday. And see their pictures every time we open our fridge.
As the Church, part of our responsibility is to the orphans and widows of the world. I would challenge you to look at ways that you could possibly encourage an orphan, perhaps by sponsoring, or even through adoption. It will be a decision you won't regret, if done to bring honor and glory to God. Please check out the sites on my sidebar, and even if you can't sponsor a child, you can give money to those areas in Africa right now being hit hard by the famine.

All is Grace

It's Tuesday and I still haven't done my post to link up to A Holy Experience! Life has been CRAZY. There is the potential for a big time change and we are just waiting on the Lord and trying to seek His direction these days. We should always live that way. But sometimes, when you get into a routine, you relax. You let things slide. You forget. And then...WHAM! God reminds you Who is in charge. I found with life getting busier, I wasn't slowing down to see the gifts. My mind was just going to the next thing I had to get done. Check it off my list. But while I was hurrying to check things off, I was becoming short, sarcastic, impatient...anything but grace-filled, you know what I am saying? Like your kids look at you like you grew another head.  Looking for gifts is a habit....a discipline, if you will. But this simple act can totally change your outlook, your perspective on life. So here are the next on my list.....

101. chocolate chip cookie dough
102. baking cookies
103. smell of rain in the air
104. naptime
105. dishwasher
106. washing dishes and looking out my window
107. red geraniums
108. reading other gift lists
109. kittens lapping up their milk
110. messy house (means there was living going on, right? :)
111. dirty floors
112. hammock
113. relaxing in the hammock
114. feeling the gentle breeze kiss my cheeks
115. watching three determined little girls try to climb a tree
116. two little girls in their ballet outfits
117. beautiful sunset
118. sun breaking through the clouds
119. blue and pink tinged sky
120. vanilla creamer
121. hazelnut coffee
122. smells of fall
123. eating cookies
124. reading library books to the girls
125. snuggling with a sick little girl
126. quilts hanging on the washline
127. putting sun warmed quilts back on the bed
128. his smile meant only for me
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Fall

Overnight the air has seemed to dry out, a cool breeze blowing from the south, almost like fall is blowing in. A good morning to actually sit outside and drink a cup of coffee without breaking a sweat. Now weather can be a fickle thing. It's only mid September and I know we have a good month yet of warm weather. But today is a nice respite. And I will gladly take it. Fall is symbolic of my life right now. A season coming to an end. A new season to look forward to. There are changes on the horizon. I can feel it. Endings are sad, but inevitable. Beginnings are scary,  yet promise much adventure. It's a crossroad. Which way do you take? We have lots of decisions to make in the coming months. Decisions that don't offer a clear direction. Sometimes it's hard to discern where God is leading. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be a right or wrong answer per say, but what is best? I wish God would send us a memo sometimes! How easy it would be. But where would the trusting and faith come in? The stretching and the training our ears to hear and listen to what God is calling us to do.
So as the leaves slowly start to change from green to gold, and the corn starts to dry down, waiting for harvest, and the air turns cooler and drier, we pray. And we wait. And we believe and trust that God will lead us in the right direction. Always.

More Gifts

Already that time of the week! It's Sunday afternoon, we have yet again missed another storm, and so we are praying and trusting that God knows we need the rain, and His plan is best! This is an accumulation over the last two weeks.....

36. afternoon naps
37. kittens
38. shucking corn
39. cutting corn
40. hugs
41. kisses
42. little girls' bedtime prayers
43. ring around the tub after kids' baths
44. girls playing with kittens
45. dirty boy
46. old recliner
47. pancake syrupy baby
48. warm slice of homemade bread with butter
49. homemade strawberry jam
50. damp curls at the nape of the neck
51. desert turning green during monsoon
52. storm clouds growing
53. kitten curled up in cowboy boot, napping
54. naps in the car
55. freckles across the bridge of her nose
56. cotton candy clouds
57. lightning show
58. barley loaded on hopper
59. thunder
60. baby boy pushing tractors on his knees
61. "vroom" "vroom" noises by baby boy
62. the promise of life eternal
63. working as a time
64. clean floors
65. dishwasher
66. clothesline
67. fresh dried clothes
68. freeze pops
69. sharing a freeze pop with baby
70. a quiet morning reading the Word
71. children sleeping in
72. You are in the details!
73. mountains
74. cloud cover during an afternoon run
75. cool breezes during run
76.ice cold clean water
77. a full freezer to organize
78. blueberries
79. raspberries
80. fresh cut grass
81. sweet smelling rose
82. dirty kids
83. nursing baby boy for the last time
84. flying a kite
85. kids playing outside, rather then sitting in front of the TV
86. last days of summer
87. sprinkler watering the yard
88. cut rose on my kitchen windowsill
89. sweet scent of roses
90. newborn baby
91. baby snuggled up on my chest
92. baby showers
93. soft, curly, baby hair
94. smooth perfect baby skin
95. brisk mornings
96. hot coffee
97. good fellowship
98. sweet "good nights"
99. cheerful boy
100. chocolate chip cookie dough

We have dealt with the stomach flu this past week, and it was challenging to find many gifts those days, but one was definitely knowing this too shall pass! I am not as diligent as I should be in writing them down, and then I forget. But what a great practice. It really can make a difference. Take the time, write down the gifts, they are too numerous to count!

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Another week done

It feels like time is just flying by around here.  This past week has been extra busy. But, I did finish reading One Thousand Gifts. I have already ordered my very own copy so I can highlight and mark it up and reread it to my heart's content. So good. And I am adding to my list daily. It's been so neat to slow down and be aware. To be watching for the gifts. They are always there, just waiting for our eyes to open up and see them and enjoy them. Here are my next ten.....

25. watching the storm move across the valley
26. skype
27. ice cream
28. laying down after a long day
29. quiet
30. children sleeping
31. clean skin on clean sheets
32. girls singing to their Savior
33. determined one year old
34. planting flowers
35. extra chocolate brownies

This is just a little glimpse into my last week. It feels as though monsoon might be wrapping up. I hope not, but the air feels drier and there aren't as many clouds. But we are trusting God to provide for our harvest. We do have irrigation, but the extra rain is always a blessing, it means smaller pumping costs! School will be starting up full force here soon. I am trying to declutter and simplify our routines so I won't feel quite so overwhelmed! Especially with a toddler on the loose! Life is constantly changing, moving. At times it makes me sad because our kids are growing up way too fast. But on the other hand, I am learning to slow down, to enjoy this time, savor it, and look forward to each new milestone, praying ultimately that they will desire to walk with their Father all the days of their lives. Hope you all have a blessed day!

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Simplicity

The other evening we lost power. Our lights went off about 7:30. There was a big storm to the west of us. Unfortunately, we never received any rain, but we did enjoy a quiet, simple evening with the kids. At first the kids couldn't understand why we still couldn't watch television, turn on a light, or play on the computer. During these times you realize how co-dependent you have become on technology to "entertain" you. It was actually quite freeing, to just have nothing to do, no other option, but to sit and listen. It's amazing how quiet it is, especially in the country, when there is no humming of electronics in the background. No swamp cooler blowing cool air, no refrigerator running, no dishwasher, nothing. We sat by candlelight, talking, teaching the girls our favorite old hymns. They formed an impromptu band, playing guitar, drums, maracas, and tambourine. We put them to bed by candlelight, whispered prayers, gave kisses, and went back to sit in the quiet. Our windows were open for air flow, and we just sat in silence, hearing the wind rustling the leaves on the trees outside. It was glorious. It was peaceful. We talked about how "back in the day" this is why everyone went to bed early. They couldn't really see to do anything else without straining the eyes! But they took more joy in the simple things of life. The rising of the moon, the stars twinkling out their first hellos of the evening, the crickets calling to one another, the cool breezes of evening, the soft flicker of candlelight. All little gifts that the Lord bestows on us. We should have more evenings like that!
Here are some more of the "gifts" I have seen during this past week......


15. delightful giggle of girls playing with their dad
16. a long drive home with a friend
17. corn on the cob
18. bread baking
19. hummingbirds darting and playing
20.an evening lit by candlelight
21. singing favorite hymns
22. "I love yous" whispered in the dark
23. eating the corner brownies
24. stillness of early morning


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