Friday, January 16, 2015

Bitter or Better

So it's 1 in the morning. Since becoming a mother, most of my nights end around 10, maybe 10:30 if I am feeling a little dangerous. But I've been awake since midnight and the Lord and I have been talking. And I had the feeling He wanted me to write, so here I am. Perhaps these late night thoughts will speak to someone….

This past week has been tough. Having five children down with the flu is not for the faint hearted. And don't let me fool you that I am tough. I have been beyond weak during this ordeal, and it ain't over yet. But tonight after dinner, I was lying on the couch, disappointment and frustration eating away at me. Silently in my head, I started naming all the injustices and inconveniences that I felt I was given this week. I will spare you that one, but a small voice whispered to me, "But what are you thankful for?"

And I felt quite convicted. Because I am a gift lister. I have a little notebook that I write down things that I notice during my days that I am thankful for. Do you think I touched it this week? Noooooo. "But Lord, if only I could cough this junk up and out and breathe deeply, I'd be able to be more thankful."

"In all things, give thanks."

"Oh, right. I am sorry. I will try."

"Right now?"

"I am thankful that even though we are under the weather now, it won't last forever. I am thankful for eyes that can still see beautiful sunsets. For a husband who even though he is sick, is still out working and providing for us. For friends who call or text to see how we are doing. For children who are playing and trying to get along even though they don't feel well. For little girls that want to cuddle and a little boy who will walk through a room and tell me he loves me."

"Feeling better?"

"Yes, Lord. Please forgive me. I forgot."

I forgot that when we close our hand to God, we think we are protecting ourselves and what is "ours", but we are only closing ourselves off from receiving His gifts. Sometimes they don't feel like gifts, sometimes we feel like we are on the punching block, but there is always something to be thankful for. Look for it. It's there. You might not see it that day, but a week from now, a month, it could take years. There are things I have experienced in life that have taken years for me to see the gift.

I want to live life openhanded. Not just so I can receive and receive from the Lord, and believe me, I do want to receive good things from the Lord. But I also want to give back to the Lord. Give back myself, and allow Him to mold me and change me, to draw me closer to Himself. To take my eyes off myself and what I feel I am owed or deserved.

We have an amazing example in Christ. On the night he was betrayed, he broke bread and gave thanks. The night before he was to go through the most agonizing pain ever experienced to man, He gave thanks. And there are many other times throughout Scripture where it is mentioned Jesus gave thanks. That isn't in there just to sound amazing. It's there to teach us an important truth. Even in the midst of intense battle and heartache, we are to give thanks. God is there.

I just want to encourage you today, friend, that God is there. Always there. But we must live open handed. Giving and receiving, and always, in everything, giving thanks.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." I Thessalonians 5:18

1 comment:

Emily said...

It's 12:55 am here. I was on Instagram and searched your name to see if you had put any new pics up. Saw your blog link, clicked and it. Goodness, I sure needed this! I need to be more thankful! Lord, please help me to open my hand! Love you so much dear friend!💝