I spent the first 22 years of my life in Pennsylvania. I was raised on the same farm and in the same house for just over 17 years of that time. When I got married, I moved to Arizona. My husband had grown up, moving around several times. He frequently has sand in his shoes, so to speak. He doesn't necessarily grow deep roots that can't be transplanted. Moving was hard, and it took me a couple of years to find where I fit. One blessing was that my husband's parents, and one of his sisters was living in the same area at the time. Friendships took time, but once made, they were like glue. Most of the friends I had were in the same place of life as me. Young mothers in the trenches, with babies and toddlers running around -- organized chaos. There were times I longed for green--green grass, green trees, being closer to stores and things. There was a time we traveled over an hour to church one way every week. The closest big mall and club store, like Costco, was over an hour and half away. I missed being so far from my family. At the time, our kids were my parents only grandkids. Now my youngest sister has children, but she lives overseas, so I guess I am still the closest.
Two years ago, when we moved to Arkansas, I was excited to cut the distance to my family in half. I was looking forward to living in an agricultural setting, yet only being 20 minutes from all the things. I was thrilled that my kids would have more opportunities to join in and experience the arts. I was thankful that we would have dad around more and that the kids and I would be working with him on the farm. A real family run business.
I lived for 14 years in the desert, and then moved to "green", in all the ways, and yet have only realized that now I am in the "desert". The last two years have been hard. At first when we moved, I don't think I allowed myself to really grieve the leaving. You don't realize what deep wells of friendship you have until you are uprooted. I wanted to be strong for my kids, we were overwhelmed with learning a new business, and just trying to adjust to daylights savings. Its been two years and I still can't handle "springing forward"! We live in a community that everyone wants to move to and no one moves away from. Trying to break into friend groups that have known each other since grade school is no joke. I also think, the older I get, the more introverted I have become and I just don't want to put myself out there.
But God has been so faithful. I have felt His closeness more, especially in the last few months, than I have in a while. He comes for my heart in the smallest and biggest of ways. He is gentle and kind and has awakened my heart in new ways, eager to have Him walk with me, to invite Him in. That's what He is after....for us to invite Him in. To ask Him what He thinks, to just sit in quietness and be in His Presence. Being still had become hard for me. I was afraid to sit and be still because then all the sadness, frustration, and loneliness would creep up and feel overwhelming. But He isn't afraid of those feelings. He wants us to let those out. Speak it out loud and release it. I've been trying to do more of that.
Ann Voskamp wrote in a blog post a while ago about how we can't love Jesus for what He can do for us, but because He is beautiful. He is marvelous. And we need to examine our motives and heart behind how we relate to Him. Even if we don't get what we think we want or need, He is still good.
I have been learning the hard way about the secret of life, which Paul talks about in the New Testament. Contentment. It can be fleeting, it can feel impossible, it can be a catch word. But I think God meant for it to anchor us to Him. To keep ourselves tied close to Him. Our circumstances may change, but if our contentment is anchored in Him, we don't need to worry.
Just some random thoughts on a Thursday.
Blessings....
Thursday, January 10, 2019
Thursday, January 3, 2019
Where has time gone?
Hello there...I have crept back into this space after four years away. I still can't believe it has been that long! A lot has changed since then. We are not even living in the same state anymore! And have completely changed directions as far as jobs. We are still in agriculture, but currently not farming crops like we were.
In December of 2016, we packed up and moved to northwest Arkansas. We bought a poultry farm and have been growing broilers for the last two years. We wanted to do something that the kids could help more in and could be more family focused. The first half of 2017 was focused on learning all we could about raising chickens. By June we thought we were ready to add something else into the mix. We started the process to be licensed for fostering. We had actually gone through the licensing process in Arizona, but then ended up selling and moving. We opened our home in November. We have had over 15 kids in our home over that year. Some it was just for a night or two. Others it was a weekend or a few weeks. We had a brother and sister for 5 1/2 months. They were able to go home to their mom at the end of the school year. I have to say that 5 1/2 month period of time was one of the hardest and most stretching our family as a whole has ever experienced.
The real heroes in this whole journey has been our kids. We picked up and moved from the only home they had ever known- from grandparents, friends that were like family, and the only church they had ever known and dropped them into a completely new area. It doesn't look like Arizona, we knew no one in the area, had no family, no connections-it has been hard. And to be honest, in only the last few months, have I actually started to feel the loss and grieve the moving. I know that probably sounds strange, but I think I was trying so hard to keep it together and be strong for our kids, because it was really hard for them. Plus, we were learning a whole new business, which was stressful for my husband. But we persevered. We made mistakes, but have stuck with it. Our kids are learning the value of hard work, of trying new things, of being responsible. These are all values that we wanted to instill in them. We have spent more time as a family than we ever have. We work together, play together, school together and basically, you know it-do everything together. They have become each other's best friends.
Not that everything is perfect. Yes, we spend a lot of time together and they have become each other's best friends, but they also know how to annoy and drive each other crazy the best too! But growing together has been wonderful. I'm so thankful we have been able to experience that as a family.
I've been feeling the nudge to start writing again. I'm not even sure how many read blogs anymore...and that's ok. I want to keep better record of our journey. Of my journey. I feel like the last two years have been hidden, that our family, and myself personally, have been in the dark, waiting to birth something new. And I don't want to miss it.
In December of 2016, we packed up and moved to northwest Arkansas. We bought a poultry farm and have been growing broilers for the last two years. We wanted to do something that the kids could help more in and could be more family focused. The first half of 2017 was focused on learning all we could about raising chickens. By June we thought we were ready to add something else into the mix. We started the process to be licensed for fostering. We had actually gone through the licensing process in Arizona, but then ended up selling and moving. We opened our home in November. We have had over 15 kids in our home over that year. Some it was just for a night or two. Others it was a weekend or a few weeks. We had a brother and sister for 5 1/2 months. They were able to go home to their mom at the end of the school year. I have to say that 5 1/2 month period of time was one of the hardest and most stretching our family as a whole has ever experienced.
The real heroes in this whole journey has been our kids. We picked up and moved from the only home they had ever known- from grandparents, friends that were like family, and the only church they had ever known and dropped them into a completely new area. It doesn't look like Arizona, we knew no one in the area, had no family, no connections-it has been hard. And to be honest, in only the last few months, have I actually started to feel the loss and grieve the moving. I know that probably sounds strange, but I think I was trying so hard to keep it together and be strong for our kids, because it was really hard for them. Plus, we were learning a whole new business, which was stressful for my husband. But we persevered. We made mistakes, but have stuck with it. Our kids are learning the value of hard work, of trying new things, of being responsible. These are all values that we wanted to instill in them. We have spent more time as a family than we ever have. We work together, play together, school together and basically, you know it-do everything together. They have become each other's best friends.
Not that everything is perfect. Yes, we spend a lot of time together and they have become each other's best friends, but they also know how to annoy and drive each other crazy the best too! But growing together has been wonderful. I'm so thankful we have been able to experience that as a family.
I've been feeling the nudge to start writing again. I'm not even sure how many read blogs anymore...and that's ok. I want to keep better record of our journey. Of my journey. I feel like the last two years have been hidden, that our family, and myself personally, have been in the dark, waiting to birth something new. And I don't want to miss it.
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