Pain. Heartbreak. Those are two words that most people do not want to willingly experience. For any reason at all. But I have learned through various experiences throughout my life, that there is beauty in pain. Through our pain, our eyes are opened to the beauty around us, causing us to really see it, and not take it for granted like we usually may do. It brings healing to us. Pain can bring us closer to God, if we allow Him into our pain, to walk through it with us, instead of closing the door and hardening our hearts.
On Saturday, I was reading through one of my old Beth Moore Bible studies, A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place. It takes you through the Old Testament tabernacle and how in the tabernacle God dwelled among his people, but today we are his tabernacle, and God dwells with us within us. And the week I was reading over was on idols and if there are any idols in our lives. And the last question of the lesson was if you felt like your heart had grown cool to God, and if it has, then you need to pray to ask God to restore your passion for Him, no matter what it takes. And as I was dwelling on that thought, I realized that had happened to me. In my quest to run an efficient household, to raise well behaved kids and to have everything appear "great" on the outside, I had sacrificed my heart. It has grown cold. I hadn't felt a touch from God in a while. I hadn't really even had a heart to heart talk with God in a while. A compassionate spirit towards others had long dried up. I felt convicted. So I prayed. And I told God all the things on my heart, and then asked Him to restore that passion, that first love in my soul for Him, no matter what it took. Little did I know, that the next morning, Sunday morning, would be a devastating blow to my spirit. But even as my heart was broken, and I was questioning why, I found my heart saying deep inside, No matter what, Lord, I will praise You. I will not let go of You. You have a plan for me, not to harm me, but to bring me life. And while my heart may be breaking, I am feeling again! The most beautiful sunset, the colors of a flower, the healing music of a song, or the laughter of my children, or a kiss from my husband bring tears to my eyes. Something that hasn't happened in a while. And my Lord and I commune everyday, because He is my strength and the only Reason I am making it through each day right now. But I have allowed Him to enter into my pain, and open my eyes to the ways it is making me stronger giving me compassion for those who go through the same thing. I want to have a continual passion for my God and this life, for my husband and children, and those friends and family that have been placed in my tiny section of the world, to see the beauty in all things, even those that hurt. Because I believe that only when our hearts have been broken, can the real healing begin.