Friday, January 23, 2009

Holding too tight

This morning I was trying to get my floors vacuumed before company arrived. Charlotte was following me around trying to carry two books, five magnets and a necklace. I say trying because every couple of steps she would drop something, bend over, try to pick it up without dropping everything else. Of course, something else would fall out of her hand and she would start to cry and try to pick it up again. I told her several times to put something down, but she refused. Instead she only became more frustrated and upset. And suddenly, something clicked in my mind. It was like God was saying to me, you do this all the time. There are things in your life that you desperately are trying to hang on to. You need to let go and lay it down. Wow. I am always amazed at how God speaks to me through my children. I know there are things in my life that I feel I can't let go of. In a way, I am afraid to let go of my children. I am afraid they will do or say something that will embarrass me, so I try to control their every moment, and if I don't get an immediate response or the respect I feel I am owed, I get frustrated or angry. I sometimes am fearful of death and what life will look like after death, in Heaven, and I desperately try to cling to anything on this earth to avoid thinking of the afterwards. Doesn't change the fact it's still coming. It's coming to us all. I have to get it through my thick head that this world is not my home. This is not my final destination, and I need to live my life looking forward to my final destination: standing before my Lord and giving an answer for the way I've lived my life, the words I have chosen to speak or not speak, and the way I've treated those He placed in my life. Why is it so hard to lay down the fleshly desires of this world? I am so thankful that my heavenly Father is one who understands what it's like to be human and fight against those feelings and desires everyday. He knows, He understands, and yet He still is there, rooting for us, willing to help us fight. He never turns away no matter how long or ugly it gets. I am so thankful for these little moments almost every day when God gives me a little insight into what it's like for Him, watching me struggle and grow. Oh, to be more like Him!

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