Last night I had received some news that a family member on my husband's side had passed away. I felt like crying all night, and even today, the sting is still there. This precious woman, succombed to death, leaving behind a husband and four small children. She was only in her early thirties. And it hit me how life is truly a vapor. Death is hard for anyone to understand and devastating to work through. It's especially so when it's someone young, who is to be full of life and have many years ahead of them. I kept thinking that it could be me. And it also made me feel so guilty. I think of all the times I get frustrated and angry with my children, or just wish for one day to myself, and I think of how this young mother felt, probably wishing for just one more day with her children. One more time to wipe runny noses, to break up a fight, to hold a little one and wipe their tears, to make one more meal. In reality, though, her story is just beginning. She is now before her Father, complete and whole, in perfect health. But for those of us here, it's so hard to wrap our minds around that concept. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. There's part of me that just wants to go on living here, on earth. And I think it's because I have a scewed view of what Heaven truly is and what we will do there. And I must confess there is a certain fear in death for me. But the truth is we are never absent from God. When we breath our final breath on earth, we are immediately before the Father. My human mind just can't comprehend it.
My grandparents were here for almost two weeks and we had a great time. It means so much to me that they would drive all the way out here. Especially because they are almost 80 years old! While they were here, my grandma insisted on washing my dishes everyday. I don't have a dishwasher......someday!! But, anyway, almost once each day she would make comment about the view and how beautiful the mountains are. The one day I mentioned to her that the sad thing was, I don't even see them anymore. I mean, I see them with my eyes, but not with my heart. I don't stop and look and think, wow, thank you God for putting that view right before my window everyday. Just to think that the mountains are your footstool. You are truly amazing Lord! Isn't that sad? We are surrounded by an amazing and vast creation, yet do we really see the beauty that God has lavished on us?
I just finished reading John Eldredge's book, Desire, and it talks about how we can become so loaded down with this life, and we were meant for so much more. It really challenged me to be aware of my attitude and how I can let myself become complacent. I want to have a fire and a passion for life. To see my life as a play that God has the main role and I am in His cast. To live my life on purpose. To not forfeit any joy or beauty for the burdens of my day, but to let Christ handle that for me.