It's been one of those days.....those days where I can hardly stand myself. One of those days where I am inwardly criticizing myself and yelling at myself as I impatiently deal with and sometimes snap at my children. My house can't seem to stay clean. I have no idea why! (Grin) It's not like I have lots of little ones running around, being creative in play and leaving their creativity behind. I have stacks of paper in different locations, my floors need swept, bathrooms cleaned, and kitchen floor washed. And as soon as I do one thing, there's five others to take it's place. Yeah, just one of those days I'd like to crawl into a hole and never come out.
The other night, as I was tucking in my oldest, she burst into tears. I asked her what was wrong, figuring she was just tired. She is my one child who seems to need a little extra sleep, and we had been busy the last few days.
"Mom, I am just so selfish! And I can't seem to stop it!"
Oh my. I hid back a smile. Oh, to be able to stop it completely. To not give into flesh. To be Jesus all the time. And she's only seven. Here I am, thirty-two, and some days I feel like I act no better then a three year old. I told her that being selfish is a lifelong battle against self. But that because we belong to Jesus, we have His strength to call upon. We have his help. It's only a prayer away. And as I spoke to her, soothing her tears, I felt as though I was speaking to myself as much as to her. He is only a prayer away. But how often do I give into the way I feel and react? Say hurtful things that I then have to go back and apologize for? I could get it right the first time. Slow down....take a deep breath.....ask what is the best way to handle this situation....and then proceed?
Help me Lord. Some days I feel as though I am doing more damage then good. Help me show Your love through me. Help me to be unselfish.