Friday, March 26, 2010

March 26

Today, March 26, 2010, was the due date of our fourth child. And those of you who know me, know I am pregnant and not due until the end of July. Nate and I experienced a miscarriage back in August. August 2, 2009, to be exact. For reasons unknown to us, we lost our baby. And even though we are expecting another child, I just felt like I couldn't let this day pass without acknowledging this life that we did not get to meet. The face we did not get to see, the hands and feet we didn't get to touch,  the soft skin and new baby smell we didn't get to experience. But I know that this little soul will be waiting for us in Heaven, and I can't wait to see him or her. We had been trying for a while for baby number four, and when we found out we were pregnant, we were thrilled. About two weeks later, I started bleeding and cramping and knew that there was something wrong. It took a while for me to recover physically. There was something especially difficult in not even knowing whether we lost a boy or girl, so that we could at least name this little one. But there are several things we have learned from this experience. Namely, compassion for those who have suffered the same thing, and there are some women who have suffered the same thing over and over again. And there are some who never can have a biological child of their own. And when I think of those women, I feel so selfish, because here I am, with three healthy beautiful girls, and I am pregnant again. At times I feel so unworthy. But I believe God is faithful, and there is a miracle just waiting around the next bend in the road. It might not look like what we are expecting, but I believe it's there. So to our little angel up above, we just wanted to say how much we love you and are looking forward to seeing you one day, even though we never got a glimpse of your sweet face here on earth.
And to this new little one now moving and kicking around in my belly, we are so very excited to meet you as well, in hopefully four more months. Your sisters can't wait to love on and mother you.


Candice said...

What a good post. It's amazing how much you miss that baby that you never got to hold or even feel move within you. I'm so thankful that you are pregnant as you think about your other baby on his/her due date. God has blessed you with such a sweet little family, and I'm looking forward to meeting your newest member!

student said...

Laura, I'm so sorry for your loss! I was just listening to Watermark the other day. A song of there's made me think of you.. You may have already heard it. Either way I hope it brings encouragement to your heart. Praise God for the healthy bundle in your belly right now!

Glory Baby

Glory Baby, You slipped away
As fast as we could say baby, baby
You were growing, what happened Dear,
You disappeared on us baby, baby
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe
Until we're home with you
Until we're home with you

We miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a day
When we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away
When we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day
When we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘Til mom and dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it
Cause we are hurting, we are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we're stronger people
Through the growing and in knowing
All things work together for our good
And God works his purposes
Just like he said he would
Just like he said he would


I can't imagine Heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know
All you'll ever know

Laura said...

Thanks so much for that song! I will have to print out the words to keep at my desk. they brought tears to my eyes.
Candance, thanks for the sweet words! I am looking forward to the day you and Jason get to bring home your own bundle of joy! :)

Landis said...

haha.... why does my name post say "student"? Sorry if you were confused.. :)