Today, March 26, 2010, was the due date of our fourth child. And those of you who know me, know I am pregnant and not due until the end of July. Nate and I experienced a miscarriage back in August. August 2, 2009, to be exact. For reasons unknown to us, we lost our baby. And even though we are expecting another child, I just felt like I couldn't let this day pass without acknowledging this life that we did not get to meet. The face we did not get to see, the hands and feet we didn't get to touch, the soft skin and new baby smell we didn't get to experience. But I know that this little soul will be waiting for us in Heaven, and I can't wait to see him or her. We had been trying for a while for baby number four, and when we found out we were pregnant, we were thrilled. About two weeks later, I started bleeding and cramping and knew that there was something wrong. It took a while for me to recover physically. There was something especially difficult in not even knowing whether we lost a boy or girl, so that we could at least name this little one. But there are several things we have learned from this experience. Namely, compassion for those who have suffered the same thing, and there are some women who have suffered the same thing over and over again. And there are some who never can have a biological child of their own. And when I think of those women, I feel so selfish, because here I am, with three healthy beautiful girls, and I am pregnant again. At times I feel so unworthy. But I believe God is faithful, and there is a miracle just waiting around the next bend in the road. It might not look like what we are expecting, but I believe it's there. So to our little angel up above, we just wanted to say how much we love you and are looking forward to seeing you one day, even though we never got a glimpse of your sweet face here on earth.
And to this new little one now moving and kicking around in my belly, we are so very excited to meet you as well, in hopefully four more months. Your sisters can't wait to love on and mother you.