I find as a mother and a wife, I go through seasons. Right now, I feel like I am in the desert. Actually, I am in the desert. Literally. But that's neither here nor there. I mean an emotional and spiritual desert. My days feel long and unending. I imagine most moms of "littles" feel that way at one time or another. My son is up at daybreak, and I do get in an early morning feeding, just me and him, I get to read my daily bible reading for the day (I am reading the bible in a year. First time I ever did that.), and I usually get my first cup of coffee before the rest are up. Most times than not, I don't get to finish my coffee, but you can bet that someone finishes it for me. And it's not an adult. Anyway.....then I feel like the rest of my day is feeding kids, changing kids, cleaning, cooking, teaching, laundry, cleaning, refereeing, wiping, and so on. I start to get tired. I start to get irritated. I start to feel frustrated. Even angry sometimes. I wonder when I will ever get time to myself. Poor, pitiful me. But I forget to go back to the One who can replenish my soul. Who is my Reservoir. It's hard to remember that as we give and pour out, so we also need to go back and get refilled. Refreshed. If we don't take those times we can become angry, depressed, among a multitude of other emotions. I find that I need to broaden my idea of refreshing. It could be an uninterrupted hour, but it might also only be 10 minutes. Learning to be content in all things is very hard. At least for me. I feel like my brain doesn't ever slow down. And in this age of technology and where multitasking is looked upon as productive, it's hard to feel all right about stopping. Breathing. Being still. I find I will sit at the computer, with the television on, trying to do both. I will read a magazine and watch television. I find it's getting hard for me to just focus on one thing. Makes it difficult to focus on One Person. Know what I mean? God is dealing with me.
My youngest sister is in YWAM, and right now is in Kosovo. She sent me an email earlier this week, and here is what part of it said, "experience the seasons.... seasons of when Nate is busy, when school is in session, etc - but i want to encourage you that there are also seasons with the Lord. despite busyness and schedules he is near!" As I read that, the tears fell. Sometimes God leads us into the desert to call us to Him.
"Therefore I am now going to allure; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14